Never Spoken

after all the tension, after the shock
i woke up today and saw that it wasn't just a one time fluke...
but...


the will in me was strong...
i loved you more today then i thought i could...
and for a brief moment
i crumbled into a pit of childish blind passion and ecstacy
crying your name, wanting your lips against my throat...
my shoulder....
my lips.
even in the moments where you departed quickly,
as you always had,
leaving my now exposed skins cold...
my heart didn't give...



i patiently chanted to myself...
he doesn't love you ....
he doesn't love you Michelle.
but instead of aching in silence
like so many times before, i watched you...
and felt what i feel for you...
and felt content with this gigantic lie,
this
falsehood...




you remained so blissfully unaware it seems
i had the courage to tell you today

the courage to really say it....
despite knowing you'll toss this beautiful gift aside.
And it's not because that wouldn't hurt

it would
greatly

it's beause theres this thread
tiny thread of hope you'd say it back
and

just the chance to have you.
just a chance to be so much more to you then those other girls
those who tore and scarred you into what you are now

... it's worth breaking my own heart...



I don't really know
why or how i'm still here
maybe you want me around
and i try to remind myself,
but it dosn't seem


it seems like you're settling for me
you're not happy, because i'm not the top
and i've stopped feeling like
i want you to find that person and have them shun you
like you did me....



I just want you to be happy

i want you to go off and find
whatever will make you the happiest man ever.
i can't give that to you,
no matter how i will for it.



I love you

though i'm sure not very much
it's there.



i just....



i love you.

and you'll never hear me say it.